.::i'm s0rry::.

referring to the last post...

ehee

i'm sorry..

yep..seriously and not kidding...

really truly very apology...

ok..

dah!!

i know,it's quite harsh and impolite way of expressing my feeling towards you.

but since no one to hear me talking

then I write it..

ok,sorry...

guys out there!!

i do say s0rry if you guys xselesa membaca post tersebut..

i ingt nk delete je tapi

tibe2 rase xmaw delete

sbb 1 day I could read it again and think of my bad-bad attitude..

abg,

im sorry

thank you for everything..

ha,satu lagi.

pasal msg dalam inb0x fb tu pun,

I'm sorry~~

haha

.::s****** bodoh::.

i hate u..

i never hate anyone this much...

i found no appropriate word to describe my feeling towards u..

it is very strong..

strong enough to make me vomit all our memories..

you

such a great liar.

great actor.

u sucks..

hate u all my heart

if i could scream

i would say out loud

you BITCH!!!!

onto your shit face

f*** you...

.::stop it!!::.

alamak guys!!

he pronounced us as gf-bf

cane ni..

im sorry

i am not..

stop telling your friends that i'm yours

stop drawing a smile on your face

stop fantasize your future with me

please!!

stop doing that

stop it

otherwise you'll engaged to a sustained heartbreak pain later..

i want what was mine back

from you

that's all

because i do have my cinta hati...

people say:

sometimes kita patut berkorban utk mendapat yang terbaik..

i'll pray you for the best!!

.::sometimes::.

sometimes...just really sometimes...you wonder what this other person is doing..

if they are thinking about you?

if they worry about you?

you keep wondering what they are doing at this exact moment.

if they are watching a movie or are out with friends.

if they are eating or falling sick.

if they are looking at the same sky and searching for the same falling star to make the very same wish as you do..

if they see a couple walking in the park and remember bout you and times you were walking together,holding hands and laughing just like this couple does.

sometimes you wonder if they are missing you like you miss them.

if they want to talk to you.

if they want to hold you.

if they just want to look into your eyes and find the answer to all the questions they may have in mind.

if they have any..

but then sometimes...just really sometimes...

they do not call you

do not mail you

and do not reply to your text messages

and the only things left for you is this wondering:

don't they miss you at all?

what might keep them so busy that they cannot find a minute..

just one minute to make you feel remembered,cared for,loved?

someone once said that

in each relationship one person always love more

maybe it is true.

there is always someone who loves a bit more.

a bit more passionate.

a bit more strong.

a bit more emotional.

a bit more....

sometimes...maybe not only sometimes..

you are the one who loves more

and then you want to see if they will miss you if you disappear

for a moment

an hour

a day

a week..

you might want to make them wondering.

BUT

what if it does not make any difference for them??

sometimes...just really sometimes...

it is better to stop wondering....

.::pernah x??::.

pernah x u all kena panic attack sebelum ni?

sgt memenatkan

pernah x u all buat salah and then u all nak cuba betulkan keadaan tu,

u all betul2 perlukan support

but then no one yg paham u all

the sad thing,u all xabes2 dipersalahkan atas kesilapan tu..

pernah x u all mintak maaf

tp maaf korg tu di anggap cam sampah je bg org tu?

pernah x u all try guna walau apa cara sekalipun

utk dapatkan semula apa yg korg pernah ada dulu

selepas korg kehilangannya??

pernah x korang geram sgt

sampai the whole body shaking..

pernah x korg rasa

yg korg tgh berada betul2 kat tgh2 persimpangan

and xtau nk decide which 1 is the right way to go..

pernah x u all rasa sesak nafas

padahal korg punye heart rate and respiration rate semua normal..

pernah x u all rasa u all da buat yg terbaik utk semua

tp pd pandangan mata org lain

semua korg buat tu salah

xada yg betul melainkan yg salah belaka...

pernah korg dok dgn org yg syg korg

die tgh sy0k bercerita

bertanya pasal korg,amek berat psl korg

tp dlm kepala otak

dok pk pasal org lain yg korang pernah sayang

and jerit SENYAPLAH!!!! kat dalam hati...

ah,ngar0t..

nk study tp topic respiratory system ni buat I rasa mual

nak tdo!

oh per0t,please benti berbunyik..

.::how do I know i was prepared enough::.

sejak bebearapa hari I dok kat Kajang ni, I ulang alik je ke kolej if in case ada class..so,today suppose ada meeting dgn 1 of the lecturer utk completekan certain parts of the cross book kitorg..but then, she was on leave due to unknown reason and everything should be canceled immediately..

even though i've reached at HUKM by the moment Husna send the message...
huh,very frustrating...


likewise,for those yg nak ambik cross home care boleh la anta pada Husna di kelas..so,sblm aku move to Kajang back i've passed the book to her and ride the motorcycle happily..

smpai je kat rumah,I browse la sekejap blog2 kawan until I found one thing yg sgt memuhasabahkan diri ni untuk menshut downkan computer lantas membuka buku..iaitu jadual exam..
thanx Jijah for the reminder...T_T

how do I know that I've prepared enough?
hahaa..
g la study..lg mau tulis blog di sini..
(^o^)v
saya nak abes study dan bekerja sebab xsabar nak tengok my first salary..
tp sanggup ke sy nak tengok ertas exam ni...

wish me luck everyone..
love you alL!!!

.::bosan::.

hari2 bukak blog org lain

semua ckp pasal family

ttg life as a university student yg sgt huha~~

tp,setiap kali aku punya entry mesti mood 'love'

sgt membosankan!!

my blog is the most sadist and bored-est blog in the universe...

main game lagi best!!

.::seandainya::.

Lafaz apa yang mesti ku ungkap

untuk aku luahkan harapan

yang bergelora disudut hati

setelah kita berjauhan

mengertilah sebenarnya rindu

ku tenggelam di dalam lamunan

sampai bilakah mesti ku nanti

kekasih yang sehati

tiada pernah aku menyesali

biar pun kemilau nya

sering dikhianati mimpi

namun ternyata keindahan itu

tak sekali terhakis musim yang berjuta

suka duka ku silih berganti

walau pedih ku tabah tuk menanti

keasyikan terasa jua

seandainya kita sehati sejiwa

mendung cinta berarak berpisah

tersingkaplah rindumu ke tabir senja

yang membenam segala sangsiku

kasih sayang akan ku pertahankan

p/s: seandainya kita sehati sejiwa - axl's

.::a girl::.

stupidity

aiyoo..apelah start blog dgn words yg sgt xsopan..

i appoint this to me,myself..

i want u to know

but i cant let you know..

is anyone out there ever feel the same way as i am??

im 23

im old enough to think and decide

im old enough to stand on my point of view

but why the hell

every single thing i did,will be questioned??

is that because im a GIRL??

small n powerless girl to you??

kalau macam tu

u live my life lah..

ambik2!!!

penat of U!!

hate it..

i miss Umie,abah & mak..

i want to go home..

really,please send me home.

(T_T)

.::if my heart says it,i really mean it::.

its quite been some time for me to come back here writing all i want..there's no class to attend to during day time..and no body special to date with during night time..but,still got no enough space to spend to write in this my imaginary diary...entahlah kenapa..

sometimes,

when the things doesn't go as smooth as we wish,we declared it as a waste..

after a time,

then we realized,

a soldier couldn't make a move without 'yes' command from the chief...

either communicated or non-communicated command...

..istikharah..

this words was repeated to me everyday

to convince me that i'm his istikharah

what??

why??

oh my God!!

how can i believe in him??

it isn't a joke..

im sorry

i know he is not reading this

i have another person that i put my trust in

there's another person that i put my hope in

for sure,

the person is not you

you have everything

everything a girl need the most

you are a loyal creature to our God - an ordinary one,but its quite good enough

car - not one but three

house - not one but three

career - you are an executive manager engineer + successful businessman

& the most important thing - m0ney..(0_0')

special features:

you played me guitar

you know jamming - even though i never see it yet

you do car drifting - i enjoy it!!really..

you love family a lot - ur mom is no. 1!!

and now,you said you love me..

how can i answer you?

if my heart say "there's only 1 space for a man,and it has been filled up with love from Ahmad Syatila"??

i need you,God..

release me from love life a while..

finish up my study first!!

.::life is colorful::.

since i was in my final year, there's a lot things to settle down before my graduation.. including my clinical posting,thesis writing and for sure the exam, those papers and OSCE..

it is a new week, a fresher week.. where i'm not going to wake up early in the dawn and came back from ward at 4pm at the earliest. there were 6 tiring weeks passed and i can say,it is not easy to become a nurse...its full of physical, mental and emotional acquired journey to be faced..why do i say so?because,yes it is!!=p

plus, i've spend 3 continuous days for data collection in Bangi in the very last week of posting..it does challenged my full body capabilities...and i DID it!!out to ward at 6.30am, get back room at 3pm..after doing a laundry, i went to Bangi for data collection..then sparing some precious time with my both little sisters in KFC until it is closed..only then i rode back my bike to Cheras to get some rest at 1 in the morning before my routine circles...thanks to Amy for helping me..i owe you the pizza ok...=))..not forgetting,to adek too...sorry,im really stressed out that day,anyway..i love you!!

then, i'm keying in the data..now,its finished..waiting to be analyse...hmm..even though we are given 4 more weeks to complete our thesis writing and slide presentation,i want it to end soon..i need to make some revision before the final...

all these makes me weak..but really,like in my SIL's blog says,love has no boundaries..i rode my bike to Subang just to see my little nephew,Zarif..we created a happy moment at playground at Taman Metropolitan while his father going to fish..now i know that the lake is one of the famous place for fishing in the middle of the highway in KL...

today,i have a new task to do.. can you imagine?i am a nanny..yessss!!a nanny~~a nanny to a 9months baby..hahaha..seronok tau..=)he plays,i play...he eats, i eat..he cries,i laugh..and he sleeps,i sleep t0o~~~

really,i enjoy it..

like i told you before,i want my thesis writing to complete fast,but i'm still in my brother's home..i don't have the feeling of going back to my college..its so damn boring for being trapped in a room like that...cepatlah habis belajar!!ohh