.::trying to figure out::.

since my last paper,I got nothing much to do unless staying at home,taking care of my little Nazhan and start to learn cooking from my SIL-Kak Tie...as told by my former classmate,the result will come out on Friday..and today is Friday..

but the day goes like this:
6.30am - preparing breakfast for my sister
7.15am - do laundry and house chores
9am - watching movie(marah2 sayang)
10am - as boringness increases,i rode my bike to Subang and play with Zarif
1pm- rode back to Prima Saujana,Kajang as my SIL's brother (abg Pein) wanna drop his wife at home before he attend his meeting at 2.30pm
2.30pm - Bank Islam,Bangi.to claim for a new lost card but cant proceed today.
asked to come back again on Monday..sigh
3pm - waiting for the rain to stop..it was a real heavy rain..
me and Syatila:having a nice chat after a long pause..
5pm - reach home..he continues reminding me on how much he care about me..
how much he wants me to be tough and patience..
5.30pm - only then im aware that i didnt take my slip yet..then,he promise to fetch me on Monday for that..

huh,how amnesia i am..atoiyai~~

before he left,there's1 boy calling me.i feel disturbed and he answer the call for me..Syatila said that we were engaged and never wants 'theboy' to call me ever again..

he told me his plan and how far he has arranged every single thing for us in future..i could see his enthusiasm in getting my full attention,now..i dont know~~

my head and my heart isnt seem to have bilateral-synchronize-harmonious opinion..it makes my body feel a bit tired..i have to figure out everything step by step,again,from the start...oh Lord,smooth my path~~

i miss Nazhan..his smile,his voice,his 'telatah'..he left me for Johor since,yesterday.yes,it was yesterday.and i missed him damned much!!he will come back tomorrow.hope the time flies faster than usual...

for now,i need to call off my study to JPA..hope i wont forget it again~~

.::kebahagiaan dalam perpisahan::.

walaupun saket org tgk pada luarannya

tp kite tau yg kita berdua mula bahagia...

p/s:yeay!!shahir menang....dpt lagu tema baru..wink2~~

.::final vacation::.

Last Saturday,unintentionally I was landed at PD..after sending the car at Serdang,someone told me to get prepare for a short holiday in PD..it was 2pm at the time we moved. so that i left kL with my only shirt and slack i worn plus my only back-pack (laptop + notes + make-up)..at least,xlah sehelai sepinggang~~

i was there for twice before..but only now i knew the detailed way to go..hee,sebab kitorg due2 xtau jalan,so main redah jelah..skrg da tau!!we reached there about 3pm and i was invited by his family members to do sauna..even though i ever did sauna before,but this kind of sauna almost killing me..haha!!selama ni i selalu buat sauna dalam box je,kepala kat luar..this time,i went into sauna room with very hot vaporized air and i can feel all the heat burning up my face receptor sensory..it was damn HOT!!biasanya boleh tahan 30minutes,this time i only can bear up to 15minutes~~

huhu,padan muke i!!

right after oversweating session and 10minutes rest,i enjoined the rest of them get down into the pool..i tibai his niece punye track suit..huhu...i thought the pool was filled up to my level of height,once i jumped in,haha...the funny thing is i almost get drown~

seb bek dok main tepi2 saje,sempat gak berpaut..selamat!kantoi xpandai berenang,only tau menyelam!!bak kata dia lah..huh~

i swam about an hour only..ikut kan ati xmaw naik lagi,but he insisted me to get out of the pool since the pool was crowded by many handsome and tough guys..(diorg datang utk kursus kot)..ehee jeles la tu!

it was time to take a nap in the room..1 thing i wanna share with all of u.the room was facing right to the sea with breathtaking view..rase macam xnak balik kL je bile dok kat situ..emm~~

its only a while for me to enjoy the scenery as i still have paper on Monday to sit..i pun study lah dengan bersungguh2 nye...while he left me and go for the sea with his bro-in-law..sampai ati xajak~~

ni view right from the front balconi..

ni another view..sgt tenang.tp daylight time je la,malam penuh sesak yg amat!!

after maghrib,we went down to the nearest shop to get some rice and a mat..since we were having an unplanned BBQ that night,we only have chickens,cencaru/ikan jaket and ikan merah..cet,mcm la kenal sgt ikan..tu pun i tau sbb his sister told me...lalala~~

while waiting for them prepare all the foods,i myself walked down through the beach and,and it was very pleasant feeling..pheww..walking with bare foot on the beach sand,hear to breeze of night air and looking far to the endless point of the sea~

the calmness flew all the tensions in my head away...

there are kids running around,creatively trying to build a sand castle,couples having a nice walk and chats,teens doing camping and not forgetting,majlis perbandaran giving fine to whose setting a burn for BBQ in the hole of the sand..hehe,we overheard the discussion,they have to pay for RM150 for that..xpasal2 je membazir..serve them right..you've polluted the environment you know!!seb bek kitorg ada BBQ set tuh..huhu

we returned to the apartment by 10.30pm..everyone looks tired..setakat ni,everything sounds good and nice right??no,it won't last..selalu mcm tu,bila sy nak gembira,mesti ada benda yg bunuh kegembiraan sy tuh..sy xsuka..sgt xsuka!!

he brought me to a such place..instead he has another one he adore the MOST!!!

the worst part,he knew I knew it..

menjengkelkan~

horrible~

frustrating~

he bought me a shirt to change..

people do say,kalau kita bagi hadiah baju,means the relationship will be end up very3 s0on..he ignores me!!

i don't know~

in the middle of the night,we were out to the sea for a walk and hopefully for a nice chatting after a long while we always arguing each other...

we have steamboat and syrup for that..

PD is just like Bukit Bintang for kL..the people enjoy the night most!

some of them play beach ball,some of them get fish and some of them try to catch a crab..i xtau la betul ke x penggunaan catch kat sini..sbb diorg bukan pergi tunda pun,diorg g tangkap..so,u know~~

(^_^)

pic credited to google..

we sat and try to REbuild the dreams we once hold in the back and make everything clear...

tp bila pagi,he's not stay long with the mood..pagi2 lagi da kena marah..so,i yg kepala batu ni pun nk tunjuk degil jugak..i xbreakfast..ingatkan nk pujuk,die smbung tdo pulak lpas tu..huh..so,im starving for the day up to 12pm..sgt menyakitkan perut i taw!!da la emosi xstabil,lapar pulak tuh..

after checking out,we stopped at R&R seremban to have lunch..thank God,at last dapat jgk makan~he sent me home at Subang and that was the end of a good memories to hold...

this is Kak ti-his eldest sister..i curik gmbr ni kat facebook syatila..

to his eldest sister,Kak ti..sy mintak maaf and i understand you've sacrificed a lot all these while..your kids are all very nice t0o...thank you for treating me just like your own blood last night and yes,it's true..God've shown me many times..i have a long journey yet to go..all this 'pain' will be my good teacher for me..i'll be strong enough in future..

love and life can never be separated..but you choose your life rhythm and you are the one who are able to pick up the right love to color your life...

.::the third::.

orang kata,

critical point for those who were married is after 5 years in relationship.

orang kata,

critical point for those who are in love pulak, is after 3 years in relationship.

emm,

betul kot.

cet..

=))

today is our anniversary for the 3rd year

and there's a lot to tell(if only I wanna..)

joy and laughter

not forgetting pain and cry..

up to yesterday,

we are not g0od though.hoho

sblm ni i da planned dlm kpale otak nk g jenjalan today kununnye

tp cancelled

first:because we're not in a real stable emotions yet

second:esok i OSCE,nak membaca la kununnye

third:kaki i maseh tidak sembuh..

so,i went out ptg td g kua cari card..

ingt senang ke?byk kdai i pergi..semua xmemenuhi citarasa mak taw..ehee

da la dgn kaki terdenc0t2,

seb bek tade pape jadi masa i merempit td..

at last,i jumpa kat POPULAR je..huhu

pastu g membeli belah kt secret recipe cket

plus cuci gambar kat kdai yg ada bluetooth machine tu.

maka bergegas la i g jumpa si dia..

ingtkan die xnak berbaik ngan i

sangkaan i meleset..

mmg la agak dingin and cool...tp xde la ribut2 taufan cm smlm..

alhamdulillah~~

disebabkan smlm die dah campak 'crystal' to me,(refer pada blue vs crystal)

so,arini die just tnye psl study i

and preparation i yg terakhir

harap2 everything will be even smoother day by day..

i hope he'll text me early in the morning tomorrow

to wish me the best of luck..hmm.

and i know umie,mak n abh i sentiasa doakan yg terbaik utk anak die ni..

call kekti esok ye~~(biasa lah,dasar anak yg kedekut kredit)

so,semua yg tgh baca post ni pun

jangan lupa doakan i eh..

maseh,jasamu dikenang

hanya Tuhan yg dapat membalas segala~~

go0d nite every one!!

salam..

.::the blue vs the crystal::.

sebenarnye topik kali xada kaitan langsung dengan piala liga Perdana England atau sebagainya yang seangkatan..tapi apa2 pun,yeayyyyyyyy!!!Chelsea akan terus berkuasa~~

biasalah,Allah ada berfirman yang semua benda diciptakan-Nya mempunyai pasangan..malam ada siang.bulan ada bintang.panas ada sejuk.saya,ada dia..ehem2..so,kat sini sy nak cerita sikit pasal "blue" di kaki dgn "crystal" di tangan..=))

apekh yg 'blue' tu?

sblm ni sy ada laptop compaq..tp telah dipindah hak milik kepada org kesayangan sy di atas beberapa faktor.yg pertama adalah kerana screen nya yg tlh rosak.yg kedua disebabkan saiznye yg gabak besar,sgt menyukarkan sy mengangkut nye ke sana ke mari.dan yang ketiga sbb mak sy nak belikan sy laptop baru...huhu..

oleh itu,si dia telah pergi ke kedai dengan harapan memulihkan semula screen yg telah jahanam itu..dan akhirnye laptop itu mampu berfungsi seperti sediakala.namun,malang tidak berbau.laptop yg baru dibaiki itu telah dipijak sesuka hati diluar batas pemikiran sedar..makanya,lcd itu telah crack buat kesekian kali nye..so,sudah lebih sebulan laptop tu disembunyikan dibucu bilik..tgk habuk td,macam lebih setahun xusik..tihihi..=))

so,abg saya nak ambik n baiki laptop tersebut..sy pun bergegas ke rumah sang die yg disayangi..namun,menurut firasat sy,sang die sengaja menghidupkan api dalam hati ni..so,masa die pass laptop tersebut,die xperasan yg sy belum pun sempat menyambutnya..maka,terjatuh dan terjunamlah lptop yg maha berat itu tepat mencederakan jari tengah kaki kiri saya..memula,ingtkan tade pape..smpai je kat kolej,biru!!!xleh nk pijak pun..siksa gila nk g mandi td tau!!that's the 'blue' story...

nampak x blue ring kat jari tengah tu..saket gile masa nak turun tangga..cane nk OSCE ni..sembuh la wahai kaki~~

finish!!

esok adalah anniversary sy dan sang die yg disayangi ke-3..sy cuma ingatkan die,but then die kata,'ah,buat apa nk sambut anniversary2 nihxde mknenye.'..so,sy sgt tidak mengharapkan apa2 drpd sang die yg disayangi..alih2,masa ribut taufan melanda kat rumah die td tu tibe2 die campak something..that was the 'crystal' comes into my life...sangat tragis..sy sedih ni...

ni pun saya bukak masa da sampai kat bilik..huhu,sangat terharu..dulu pernah ada,tp..jangan dikenang kisah yg lama~~

everything went so fast..i cant even imagine if he left me out there..because he once asked me to go out and never return back..but everytime i tried to stepped out,he mumbling something that sounds to me like."oh my love,please stop and come back to me.love me for me..".haha,perasan!!

after some times,his eldest sister get me and we talk..sgt syahdu..she made me to think..she even dont go to any parties..even sang die yg disayangi adalah adik nye,she try to be nice to me t0o~~

even the 'blue' makes me sigh for the pain now,but the 'crystal' makes me smile for the rest of my life!!thanx sang-die-yg-disayangi!!

im sorry...we both need time to heal..i'll pray the best for you and please pray the best for me t0o..for all,i love you~~

cantik kan..first time die beli benda2 mcm ni,tanpa sy menemani..tQ abg~

...mood jiwang tamat...

.::kekasihku::.

padamu kuharap

kau hadir dalam hariku

agarnya kau tahu betapa kucinta padamu...

setiap masa

seolah ada di sisi

kasih padamu takkan pernah padam

sayangku hanya engkau di hati

jiwaku ini kosong tanpa pelukanmu

oh belaianmu...

kasih kita ditakdirkan

bersama takkan engkau ku persiakan

walau terkadang hatimu dah terusik olehku

selagi ada nyawa seluruh daya

kan ku pastikan kau gembira

segala cinta dan saat bahagia

oh ibu...ke akhir hayatku...

by:azzam idola kecil

creditted to google image

as i'm far down in Cheras,waiting for the exam just in a few days coming,i give this big hug and cuddle through the air to my beloved and undying love materials - Umie and mak with lots of love to both of you..thank you for giving me a chance to live and raised me up very well...

Umie: walaupun Kekti xtinggal dengan umie,the bond and connectedness-feeling in me and you cannot be denied..you know why?because you gave me uncounted prays and love through all this years..really,at the moment i'm writing this,the crystal balls has fallen out onto my lap for missing you..(T_T)

Mak: we've been through all sorrow and joy together..and im pretty sure that you're kind of very tough and has limitless capabilities to care on others..i adore u and i love you for raising me up very well..even though you hardly show it,but i can feel your love surrounding me.strong enough that i can believe.and you hold me together.always~~

happy mother's day Umie..mak..

i love u two with all my heart till my last breath..may Allah bless your life now and then..ameen~~

.::i'm s0rry::.

referring to the last post...

ehee

i'm sorry..

yep..seriously and not kidding...

really truly very apology...

ok..

dah!!

i know,it's quite harsh and impolite way of expressing my feeling towards you.

but since no one to hear me talking

then I write it..

ok,sorry...

guys out there!!

i do say s0rry if you guys xselesa membaca post tersebut..

i ingt nk delete je tapi

tibe2 rase xmaw delete

sbb 1 day I could read it again and think of my bad-bad attitude..

abg,

im sorry

thank you for everything..

ha,satu lagi.

pasal msg dalam inb0x fb tu pun,

I'm sorry~~

haha

.::stop it!!::.

alamak guys!!

he pronounced us as gf-bf

cane ni..

im sorry

i am not..

stop telling your friends that i'm yours

stop drawing a smile on your face

stop fantasize your future with me

please!!

stop doing that

stop it

otherwise you'll engaged to a sustained heartbreak pain later..

i want what was mine back

from you

that's all

because i do have my cinta hati...

people say:

sometimes kita patut berkorban utk mendapat yang terbaik..

i'll pray you for the best!!

.::bosan::.

hari2 bukak blog org lain

semua ckp pasal family

ttg life as a university student yg sgt huha~~

tp,setiap kali aku punya entry mesti mood 'love'

sgt membosankan!!

my blog is the most sadist and bored-est blog in the universe...

main game lagi best!!

.::if my heart says it,i really mean it::.

its quite been some time for me to come back here writing all i want..there's no class to attend to during day time..and no body special to date with during night time..but,still got no enough space to spend to write in this my imaginary diary...entahlah kenapa..

sometimes,

when the things doesn't go as smooth as we wish,we declared it as a waste..

after a time,

then we realized,

a soldier couldn't make a move without 'yes' command from the chief...

either communicated or non-communicated command...

..istikharah..

this words was repeated to me everyday

to convince me that i'm his istikharah

what??

why??

oh my God!!

how can i believe in him??

it isn't a joke..

im sorry

i know he is not reading this

i have another person that i put my trust in

there's another person that i put my hope in

for sure,

the person is not you

you have everything

everything a girl need the most

you are a loyal creature to our God - an ordinary one,but its quite good enough

car - not one but three

house - not one but three

career - you are an executive manager engineer + successful businessman

& the most important thing - m0ney..(0_0')

special features:

you played me guitar

you know jamming - even though i never see it yet

you do car drifting - i enjoy it!!really..

you love family a lot - ur mom is no. 1!!

and now,you said you love me..

how can i answer you?

if my heart say "there's only 1 space for a man,and it has been filled up with love from Ahmad Syatila"??

i need you,God..

release me from love life a while..

finish up my study first!!

.::get well soon::.

dah 4 hari demam baru nak pegi klinik??

kan da kena marah dgn doc..

eleh,tp bg MC sehari je p0n..

next time tggu 4bulan k..

smbil menyeringai..

nasib baik die nampak baik...

so redha je la...

mcm biasa..

PCM, Maxolon ngan Dulcolax..ooops!!

ada masalah pembuangan juge..

so alang2 tu mintak je lah..

bukan bayar pn..

smlm da cuti..

arini dpt lah bekerja dgn sempurna...

lgpn mlm tadi

injected with high-dosage unbearable spirit..wink2

oohhh

da sehat

walaupun still ada mslh olfactory and taste..

its occay

start to think tentang research!!

research74x~~~

\("(^_^)")/

.::love heals the wound::.

what LOVE is actually all about??

it is not about taking something from, but giving something to..

it is not making something into, but letting something to be..

it is not about MY wish, but always be OUR wish

nape tajuk xsama dengan entry pun??=)

i were raised as the only kid in a family...

never share things,never give things and always be "i want it!!"

love

always made me out of sound mind

i want it to be that way

i push it to be that way

for me, people's expectation is the most gratitude

always neglect the other party's feeling & thinking

and you never realize it unless when you were punished

if you were happy

be at moderate

if you were gloom

be at moderate too

jangan sesekali menyesal

it is fated

go on with your life

there must be something better for you in future for sure!!

mistakes is always when it is the first

on the second, it is called STUPID...

abg,i learnt from it..you know the whole story but you never be in my foot-steps...tapi org xpernah salahkan sesiapa..i know,we are healing...

we are here for each other,i knew it..be strong,jaga kesihatan..

we could be separated thousand miles away but the soul is just next to each...

forget the past..let love heals the wound..live the life to the fullest~~

.::a message::.

"kalau malam ni nak org teman g makan,bgtau lah..

org datang ambik sol.."

(^o^)"))

xbalas..

"kalau pnat sgt,xpe..weekend nnt jelah org bwk

sol jenjalan..rest=)"

(^o^)"))

sorry~~

"org xsuka sol tension2,senyum tu kan sedekah..

mlm nt on skype ye..tc..=)"

p/s: saya harap "die"(tukang message) xbaca blog saya...sbb sy xnak gangguan dr mane2 pihak buat masa sekarang..sy tau,ramai yg baik..very concern about me..thanks a lot dear...

but

im not ready yet...

.::mid night feeling::.

i miss u

sorry for being too much "dependent & immature"

i've tried to focus on my work

but i couldn't

help me out!!

i miss u..

is that i'm not forgiven forever??

.::nothing is wrong::.

Kebelakangan ni, my entry seems to be in the mood of kesedihan and frustration maybe. what has happened to me?? nobody knows except me myself and the Only God. yesterday, I've read one article about types of burden from Islamic aspect. The writer divided it into 4 from the lightest to the toughest started from:

1. wealth

2. relatives & neighbors

3. a son

4. soul-partner

kalau lah beban tu boleh digambarkan??

Penulis tu explained very nicely the reason kenapa susunan penderitaan manusia ni macam ni.. semakin tinggi tahap burden (no. 4 tu paling berat) yang kita tanggung, semakin banyak masalah yang kita kena hadapi dan ia turut mengganggu-gugat perkara2 yang lain. contohnya, kalau kita ada mslh jiran yg suka mengumpat or jaga tepi kain orang, kita akan jadi tension and lama2 tahap kerja kita boleh jadi merosot. dah ganggu punca rezeki keluarga kan...

macam tu jugak lah, kalau pasangan hidup kita curang atau buat hal, hati mula terganggu. akal xdapat berfungsi dengan rasional. so, mula timbul konflik dalam keluarga, jiran asyik dok mengata. sanak sedara xnak mengaku keturunan sbb kes cerai berai ni xpernah berlaku dalam family kononnya. pastu ,mula lah xdatang kerja. ambik EL....

Sbnrnye kat cni, reason saya nak kongsi benda ni sbb kebelakangan ni saya selalu rasa tertekan... kalau kita tak buka minda kita, tertumpu pada masalah kita sorg je, sampai bila2 pn xkan puas hati. padahal ramai lagi yang ada masalah yg lebih berat and they all tau source mana yang perlu dituju dan apa yg terbaik perlu dilakukan so that tak lah hidup dalam keadaan miserable sepanjang hayat kan...

Ok lah. kepada diri sendiri and semua yg baca entry ni, cuba letakkan semula semua hal pada tempatnya & not forgetting, it must be prioritize. so kita nampak apa yang penting dan patut didahulukan.

jaga diri and smile always.

sometimes, kita kena buat sesuatu untuk menggembirakan diri... and saya tengah mencuba!!!

.::sengal::.

ibu jari saket

sbb tsepak batu

tulang tibia saye juga sakit

sbb terlanggar benda keras

lutut saya terasa sengal

sbb proses penuaan

tulang belakang saye senget

sbb kena tampung beban lemak berlebihan

lengan saye lenguh

sbb byk bekerja

tangan sye legam2

sbb kate org tua2, kena gget antu...

tekak perit

sbb byk menyanyi kuat2

mata pedih

sbb da lama xbukak contact lens

hati saye sedih

sbb die da lama xdgr tazkirah

minda pula berserab0t

sbb asyik menipu je

semua cerita kt saya tu,saya bohong saje

supaya smua org ingt saya bahagia

saya bkn penting pun bg mereka

and so do they to me

tp kalau diorg cerita mslh,nape sy boleh mendengar??

sbb sy hipokrit..

xpernah terima kenyataan

saya pengecut

sbb tu sy xsuka diri sy senciri...

.::it's me & never be you::.

we never always be at good...

I've sent my eldest brother to the airport last Friday..

I went to Jojo's home with adek Ain by Thursday that supposed Ahmad Syatila promised me to take me there..

it's ok..I'm fine..

on the same day, we went to Pantai Remis..

sangat menyeronokkan..

Adek Ain took me to Amah's place at Serdang by Saturday morning..

I brought no laptop, no books to read, nothing..

nothing to do..

He went to Perak just only to attend his friend's little brother wedding...

it's ok..I'm fine..

a day for me to sleep.. yesss!!

BUT, a happy moment will never last long even if you were pretend to smile and laugh out loud...

bad dream started..

monster has come into my world and stand just right in front of me..

no love, no feeling, no kind words, no good touch...

it's a real thing in a real reality I've to go through...

crying, shouting, hitting, kicking, humiliating...

was it satisfied??

never leave me alone..

it's only happen if he was about to die..

will do anything for me...

do not care what love's risk takes him to...

will be by my side FOREVER...

that was in my du'a..

that was in my mind..

that was in my heart..

that was all I want...

it's ok..I'm fine..

i'm not good enough for you maybe..

i'm not a perfect one for you maybe..

i'm just an ordinary lady in your eyes maybe..

i'm horror, yes for sure!!!

thank you!!!

.::girl say,boy say::.

girl say:

awak hanya pandai menakluk hati saya.

tapi awak xtau camane nak jaga die. saya cuma perlukan belaian dan perhatian.

boy say:

awak ni tau nak saya ada untuk awak je. saya ada banyak hal nak dibuat.

apa xcukup ke perhatian saya selama ni?

girl say:

memang xcukup!!!

.::umie::.

It's boring..

So boring..

Hoiyeah!!!

I'm bored...

Umie g kursus kt kL...

Baru je 2jam die g, umah da rasa sesangat la kosong..

Umie..

Miss u..

So much..

Kek tie saket pale la tibe2..

Wish u were here

Talking to u

Gossiping..

Laughing..

Even though u're not talking

As u were tired

We glad to see u sleep

To feel ur breath..

We misses you...

Much...

.::redha::.

Alhamdulillah..

everything was fine and I don't wanna lost it anymore...even though it doesn't seem to be as nice as we had gone through before but I wish it to stay the way it was. It's better for him to treat me this way so that I would not hurt him anymore..

What ever it is, thank God because He made he to give me a call at last... he called me...yeay!!!

He want to see my eyes. Maybe he wants to look for the eyes that he fell in love for the last 3 years in mine. Even though he asked me to look at the laptop webcam, I don't have a gut to stare long.

He want me to made a promise. I do not want to but, I have to because he want me to. Even though he knows it was hard for me too.

God, help me. I'm begging you..

Tonight, I am relieve!!! I want too rest in peace~~~

tQ sayang...